Talk to someone
I have always been a quiet person. Throughout school and growing up as a child I was shy and didn’t really interact much socially. Even now I have a reserved demeanour around people, be it my family, friends and especially with strangers. I have come on a lot due to work experience and life in general, however I still very much keep a lot of my worries, thoughts and feelings clogged up inside of me.
Over last several years I have always kept myself to myself and didn’t think anyone would want to listen to my problems. I thought ‘im nobody special’ ‘who would care?’ and ‘my issues are insignificant’ therefore I kept everything sealed inside of me. With so much layering and build up and no relief, I eventually lost hold, thus spiralled out of control illustrated through negative coping mechanisms.
If I could take anything from my battles over the past years I would say that the best thing I have ever done is allowed myself to talk to someone. For me this wasn’t anybody close to me because I know that you would prefer to hide your troubles from loved ones as you think this is protecting them. I thought exactly the same. I knew that my behaviour was getting out of hand and was dangerous; therefore I researched alternative ways of talking to someone. I tried online communication with volunteers, but not having face to face contact did seem to make an impact. After another year or 2 I finally, finally looked into therapy, private therapy as I was too scared to go down the NHS route and seek help from the GP as I thought my parents would find out. Sticking to my ‘secretive ways’ I reached out and sent a very vulnerable, desperate email to a therapist that I had seen for different situation altogether.
I started seeing this therapist back in 2012, I am still seeing her at present day. I have poured out 99% of my thoughts, feelings and worries to her about everything and anything. She has become the one person that I trust professionally for advice and guidance. It took a hell of alot of confidence for me to actually go and see her and I have to say that I did invent unhealthy ways in dealing with the panic and anxiety that I felt during the time that I am not proud of.
Now, years later I have spoke to more and more people about my issues and each person offers me something, be it advice, a similar experience or just an ear to listen. Being able to get everything off of my chest has defiantly been the starting point of my recovery. I dont think you realise it at first, but looking back now I can see how far I have come just from talking to the one person. Even though I have only just started my practical recovery now years down the line, I wouldn’t be able to do anything if I didn’t ask for help and put my trust into someone.
Even writing your thoughts and feelings down and giving it to someone to read can be a real release and help get the conversation started. I did this with my parents and now I find it so easy to start a conversation with them about how i’m feeling.