I’ll tell you a story…
The other day i was dancing around in my bedroom, which i haven’t done for absolute donkeys. I was really enjoying myself with my upbeat tunes, where i totally pretended to be Ariana Grande- don’t judge we all do it! Then i changed the song to Alive by Sia, probably my favourite song of the moment. Because it was booming from my beats headphones and i was all alone in this safe little space, i began to cry. Simply because i couldn’t relate to any of the lyrics in her song. I don’t feel alive at the moment, i feel as if i’m drowning and a big fish keeps on batting me back down with its fin every time i come up for air. Anyway, i succumb to the sadness and lay in a ball feeling deflated. But before all of this i was having such a good day, so i told myself that it is going to be ok. I literally said that to myself out loud and stroked my arm at the same time. I got up in my own time and talked myself through what i was going to do.
“Ok, get up now and turn off the music, set the headphones aside. Now walk into the bathroom and i know, we will do your hair” -Yes i realise that there is literally only me there and i am aware that i am talking to myself as if someone else was there, but this helps me so I’m fucking doing it. As i got the dye out of the box, i was shaking. “Everything is going to be ok sweetie, lets go and get a tablet and then you will feel so much more relaxed” I got my diazepam and continued on. As i kept on talking myself through the activity and reassuring myself, i soon forgot about the earlier incident that i believed would have kept me depressed for the rest of the day. I won and i did it my way, weird or not. You have to whatever you can to take control of your demon.
Getting out of that bad place is unbelievably hard, i know. Sometimes we get sucked in too deep, but sometimes we fight and stick two fingers up at Mr demon.
- Find your strength, find what works for you. If you need someone else to help, go and get them, don’t just sit there and wait for them to come to you because its most likely not going to happen and you will end up in a worse place than you started.
- Write your feelings down or put an angry rap song on and just pretend that you’re lil Wayne crushing the world. (Drop the world is my angry rap song of choice)
- For me, its self comfort because i know that there are two beings inside of me and you have to choose the right one to move you forward.