What is it with commitment ?
Why are so many people afraid of it, be it in a relationship, a new years resolution or mental health recovery. I have such an irrational fear with failure, which therefore puts me straight in there with commitment issues.
I have always been such a motivated, competitive and determined person. I always wanted to do well in school, excel in sports and win competitions and when I didn’t, I would beat my self up to a pulp. I remember one year in high school, I was picked for the sports day 100 meter race and I freaked out over the fear of failing, aka loosing the race. So instead I went to the extreme and faked a knee injury. I even acted the ‘fall’ out during a lunch break, so I had eye witnesses. (How sad)Anyway, after telling the staff that I was ‘injured’ I didn’t receive the response I was hoping for. Instead of a ‘oh no problem’ they came down on me like a bag of bricks and I remember feeling so anxious, so mortified, I was holding back tears. The amount of guilt that I felt was as heavy as lead and it remains one of my most hard felt memories to this date. After that I really came down hard on myself and realised how much more pain I had caused over my fear of failure. I look back now and realise it just wasn’t worth it. In fact I didn’t prevent my failure, I made it 10 times worse.
This memory hasn’t left me in good stead the past years, as my confidence to commit to things has vanished. This left me standing in the wood work and I began to close myself off.
Now I’m so afraid to commit to starting meal plans because i’m so scared that I will fail and then that’s it, it feels like its over, im useless, I cant do anything. BUT I know this is all irrational thinking and it does take a bit to actually tap into that rational part of the brain. So lets cut this fear down.
- Always remember that these ideas, plans, actions are not set in stone. There is no one commanding me or watching my every move, it is only me. If I slip, its not the end of the world, you are not shit or a failure, just get back on and try again.
- Plan week by week or even day by day. Plan 1 meal a day, the meal that scares you the most and just keep to following that meal plan for a week. Then when you’re ready, plan another meal or make a plan for 2 weeks and so on.
- Don’t overwhelm yourself with food and plans. Keep it simple. You don’t have to do everything at once.
Lets kick my irrational fear in the but and take it slow and steady for a change.